Sunday, December 30, 2012

That awkward moment

You never really know how to react when you type your name in Google search and this is what shows up..

         Stutee means to worship and Nag stands for King Cobra.

                       In a way it all adds up.

P.S. Yes, typing my own name in google search, I need to get a life. :-(

Because Great Minds Think Alike

I love reading The Times of India – so much so that my day isn't complete until I give the paper a thorough reading and it has been like this for almost ten years now. 
So you can only imagine my joy on discovering that their pledge – in today’s paper –is pretty similar to mine. The one I posted yesterday .

A screenshot of My post from yesterday.

A screen shot of ToI' s post

Similar isn't it?

After all great minds think alike ;-)

Saturday, December 29, 2012

People say, “Main Anna hun” – Kanoon says, “Main andha hun.”

     Photograph by: Manish Swaroop

Let’s please not pull a Ghajni this time!

Our ride from Cwg to 2G via Adarsh society (that recently crossed the Coalgate) has been a super bumpy one and now we are at our next station of shame – the Rape station!

But I am sure let another week pass (or let another incident happen which will stoop us a lot lower than we already are on the moral-o-meter) and we will forget all about Nirbhaya/ Damini/ or that brave girl who fought till the end for survival.

Our memory is so short-lived that it won’t take us more than a shower to hop on to something new – anything from a political blunder – to a natural calamity – to even an Indo-Pak cricket match is enough to divert India’s attention.  (And I bet the Government is praying on it already!)

Gone will be Nirbhaya – who made us all unite, stand and fight  - and  she will join the other ghosts from our past.

Please-please-please-please do not let this emotion fade away. 

And while the government says it’s doing the best it can – or, maybe it’s not– I don’t know and quite frankly I have reached the point where I don’t even care for its shallow make belief reforms and steps. The point is that we really cannot sit with one hand on top of the other.

 I am not asking for a revolution here but just go with me.

On the 29th day of December, 2012 – let us all take an oath...

·  I will raise my son with such diligence and care that no other girl will ever be dragged down that road again.
·  I don’t know about the whole country but here on onwards I will take responsibility for myself – I will be the change that I want in the society.
·  I will never mock another person (a girl or a boy) – no matter how inviting I may think it seemed.
·  I will not sit back if I witness a girl being subjected to misbehaviour of any kind.
·  I will never be that passerby who leaves a victim to die by the roadside.
·  I will not vote only and only and only on merit------ not because my fufadh ji is a member of a certain party.
·  I will respect all women – not just my own mother.
·  I will actually respect the law and not just say it.
·  I will not pull a Ghajni this time.
·  I will not let Damini die.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Here’s to the “dented and painted” women of India

Because you don’t rear cattle and you don’t have cracked heels,
How can you know real India?  Is what a leader feels.

You join a protest and light a candle,
Slow down babe- it’s too much to handle.

U juggle work-kids n home- and if somehow U yet manage to look pretty,
Mr. Minister declares you not witty.

So what - you get a manicure? French tips may be!
You still go home and take care of your baby.

But since we are used to mothers like Nirupa Roy
How dare you call yourself a mamma? oh boy!

N if (horrors of horror) ur dented – painted self is not yet married
Consider yourself as good as buried.

Go get married and have a kid,
Must you have an opinion? God Forbid!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Lo kar lo gheo nu Phanda: Another Gang Rape

Roughly translated that should mean .....
A dog has got to do – what a dog has got to do.

Another woman faces the wrath of the pervert parade of India. (Read the story)

Let’s put two-two black dots now – may be that will help. 

In law, they say thousand guilty may walk scot free but not one innocent person should be wrongly charged. 

However, I think if we make one exception in case of rape charges and stone the bastards to death in public - not because the charges have been proved- but simply because they have been accused.

 That will make such a strong statement that these pervs will think a hundred times before giving themselves a treat even through porn.

I say – no trial- no delay – faisla on the spot.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Is kettle calling the dot black?

Okay honestly - how many of you are signing in on facebook these days - seeing this black dot on someone's profile - and saying to yourself,

"O teri! I cant believe it - is insaan ne bhi black dot of protest lga rakha  hai BUT isi se to protection chahiye thi.

(In other words - Look who is dotting!)

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Here's how you get in touch with me!

Email  me at  -

  • Yes, I have a paypal account.

So, here's the deal..

I started this blog in November 2008 - one cold winter night I sat down and said to myself, "dude, I am going to be the world's best writer - ever." 
I will observe things-
I will dive deep into the sea of thoughts 
(and, most importantly,) I will make a difference.
The world is my oyster after all!

But some 3 posts down the line............

I, was shocked to see that the sea of thoughts had evaporated faster than petrol. 
I sucked at observing.
and the only difference I made was in the font size of my blog.

To cut a long story short, even before I could take off I had run out of fuel a.k.a the words. It was then that I heard about that thing called the writer's block - and suddenly it occurred to me that I had hit one.

Wow! I thought to myself, ‘barely 943 words into the bargain and my very own writer’s block.’
'Yes! Yes! Yes!'

Anyhow that block continued from December 2008 to September 2012 – and now I am back hoping that the next one doesn't come along anytime soon.
So by day I am a lawyer but I moonlight as a writer.

and last but not the least, I love it when you visit and I love it even more when you leave a comment.

Urghhhh ...

What are people thinking posting such sorry pictures of a rape victim on their fb accounts? 

Showing support? 
Support - my foot!

For lord's sake it's not sympathetic -
It's simply pathetic.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Bow bow –woof woof!

On a chilly winter night (or, you can say a December night) when sometimes the weather turns so unbearably cold that it seems impossible to survive – at that time all the helpless countryside dogs get together in unison and bark into the night. 
Poor fellows are cold –sorry-hungry-tired-weary-angry and weak but they can’t do much about it – have no other option but to bark. So they bark together in deep melancholy- until the bigwigs of the society get disturbed and send for the Chowkidaar . One blow after the other from the chowkidaar with his unforgiving laathi and the dogs disperse- letting the snooty rich people to continue their prized sleep in peace.

Sounds familiar?

Do you know who are the snooty rich people in this story?
Do you know who is the Chowkidaar?

And if I dare ask, who do you think are the dogs?

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Things that the Gen-next will never know!

Okay now that the 20-12-2012 has passed and we are pretty much alive – I guess it is safe to assume that the world will move on – that there will be a generation next.  And while that is good news – here is a list of things that keeps popping in my mind that the next generation will never experience-

Ø  Like, for example, will they ever know that there once existed a world without facebook -(and people still formed friendships.)

Ø  Or, will they ever get that heady rush from the magical swirl of – fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck Shaktiman.

Ø  Or, will the present Hollywood watching- fata-fat English speaking generation ever understand what a thrill it used to be as an eight year old to watch Jurassic park in hindi?

Ø  When the whole family would sacrifice their privacy to sleep in the AC wala room--- Present day kids can’t imagine such a time.

Ø  Will this Digital camera holding generation ever realise the value every single photograph had on a roll of 36 photographs in total?

Ø  Will they ever be able to wrap their heads around the fact that there was a time when Mc Donald’s used to be such a big deal that when relatives from big cities came visiting, they used to bring Mc Donald’s burgers as souvenirs of love.

Ø  Will they ever know what girls look like without re-bonding?

Ø  Will they ever be able to say that they have had Maggie at 4 bucks a packet?

Ø  Will they ever realise what a thrill it used to be the first one to pick up the ringing landline- that leap of joy from across the room to be the first one to answer the call- no, the present android generation will never know!

Ø  That there was a time when not everyone from an 8 year old to a dhobi could afford a cellphone and yet somehow everyone stayed connected.

Ø  That we had to rent movies- downloading wasn’t an option.

Ø  They won’t know what it was like to step into a new century.,, the whole Y2K mania.

Ø  Will they ever know that brazil lalalalalala used to be the national song at every second wedding. Vengaboys wouldn't have been this popular in Brazil, i bet.

Ø  Again- I doubt- if they’d know what a relief it was to step from the local talkies (where I have actually seen people bringing their own chairs) to multiplexes.

Ø  Lastly- will they ever know that from a good internet connection to someone’s affection- we took nothing for granted- we valued stuff and from our room to our popcorn - we didn't mind sharing.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hey I am a man – oooh I HAVE A PENIS – in short – a license to rape.

I do not own a TV. So the only way I get to know about the outer world is through newspapers or a little bit through the internet.  Today I was late for work, so I did not reach out for the paper until half an hour ago.  So, if you ask me I had a nice day- u know posted some pictures- got a hundred likes- Liked two hundred others myself. Felt really good seeing that I am still popular.
 So far so good.
But what I did not know was that right at the time when I was busy posing for my “natural shots”  
(yes, i am talkin about the pictures that look really as though I had no idea that they were getting clicked but the truth remains that I take atleast 100 such pictures before I settle on one and I am not even ashamed to admit it anymore) 
exactly at that time, there was a girl right in middle of our capital city living the worst nightmare of any girl’s life ever. 
And you know why am I not shy to admit my double standards anymore? 
Because after a certain incident you reach that point when you are so full of self loathing for being so full of yourself- for not being able to make a difference and most importantly for simply reclining on your easy chair, for shrugging, for being able to move on so easily and for not really giving a fuck- that no matter how much someone else hates you, you yourself are already a step ahead on the hate-o-meter and their hatred/judgement refuses to matter.

In that one moment you realize that that you are nothing but a fake pretentious nut who is described by her facebook account- that nothing else really matters to you- as long as you get your 100likes/day. 

That nothing- no matter how grotesque- can ever shake you up from your fucking state of oblivion. 

I don’t know if I’d be able to get through to any of you but the only thing that is coming back to me since the time I read today’s newspaper is.......
There I was getting clicked -la-la-la- when a girl my age was getting stripped.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Some Cards- Some Chai- Some Gupshup!

It was one of those days- when you get up and the first thing you say is, “Lord what the fuck!”

ü  You know cause you missed the doodh-wallah for you were too lazy to get your bum out of your cosy bed and now there is no coffee for you.
ü  The kudah-wallah has taken an off for the third consecutive day and the garbage in the kitchen is overflowing.
ü  The sabzi wallah is constantly repeating the items on his menu along with their respective Max retail price right in front of your house on top of his voice.
ü  There is no balance on your phone.
ü  Yes, it is also one of those days when there is no water in the house.

ü  AND THE MOTHER OF ALL MISERIES – You have a hang over!

 So in the words of great Chandler Bing, “Could you be more screwed?”

But thankfully, against all odds, my day still picked up and here’s how?

I packed up some knick knacks – you know my travelling kit – although it’s not so much a kit as it is a camera and a deck of cards (actually two decks of cards)- and I showed up at my friend’s house. 
It took us literally ten minutes to decide where to go and there we were on our way to Nalagarh fort even before my hangover could bid me goodbye.

And unlike the RDB fort fiasco this one was a total blast.
Ø  The drive was awesome-
Ø  it wasn’t all that far away-
Ø  no eve teasing-
Ø  well kept-
Ø  beautiful-
Ø  and the food they serve there- pretty nice.

Well my rating of the place is three and a half stars. (And all this when I was totally sober- so you be rest assured that there are no drunk exaggerated memories in my head- it’s the absolute sober truth.)
Do visit if you haven’t been already but make sure it’s a bright sunny day and also make sure that you schedule a little picnic near the SISWAN Dam. 
The Dam

The dam is on the way to Nalagrah fort only and it is very pretty. So you make a day out of it. 
And Like I said the fort is barely one-one and a half hour from Chandigarh -so you can be back on time. But if you want to stay at the fort they have that option too. 

                                                                          The Fort

And that is how I ended my day.. with a big fat smile.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Monk who sold his Ferrari should have met the Old Monk - All problems solved!

Disclaimer : For You to actually get this post you need to be acquainted with at least one of these two monks
- the Monk who sold his Ferrari or the Old Monk.

Okay my romance with the Old Monk is way too recent for me to go about flaunting it around town (we have been introduced this winter only and for all I know he may ditch me soon) but it is new- it is exciting- and I can barely keep my mouth shut. 

So here goes...
The first thing I asked my friend who introduced me to the Old monk was, “Well, exactly how old is this Old Monk?”  
To which he replied, “Baby he is old enough to understand you.”

Anyway as I was saying since I am only in the morning period of my relationship with the Old Monk, I can’t be too certain about how it shapes up in future but what I can tell you with all certainty is - that the sun has set on my relationship with the Monk who sold his Ferrari.
So even though it was totally bitch-like of me to ditch my ex-flame –the monk who sold his Ferrari- for this new hot flame- the Old Monk- I still did it K

Whatttttttt? Don’t judge me okay. I had to pick my battles after all.

Two years the monk who sold his Ferrari had been by my bedside yet couldn’t do much for me (no eternal bliss- no everlasting contentment) and on the other side was this wise-cracking old monk- who did so well- in keeping all my worries at bay the very second we shook hands.

Why else would a place that is within twenty five kilometers of Chandigarh- seem like a whole other world?

And the best part is that I have always believed that I am into elder guys- So, I guess Old Monk has it all- after all.

Friday, December 7, 2012

I don’t fancy a big fat Indian wedding – Is that so bad?.

DISCLAIMER: It's a little longer than I usually care to post but bear with me... there was a lot to say!

Ever since I was fourteen I have had a dream- a dream to see the world. 
Nothing fancy (no 5 stars- no business class travel- no plastic smiles). Just a dream to experience the world in it all its rawness. You know, travelling in public transport (or, may be in a hundred years old truck from world war 1)- Cracking up about something with a fellow passenger- Forming friendships with the natives- Being that mysterious traveller from a far off land etc etc...

You know I sometimes imagine myself with a backpack – strutting down the streets of Istanbul in the warm winter sun- I am in a white top and a snug pair of blue jeans that fit like a dream  - I am wearing dark brown sunglasses with big frame.. My boots are rugged-I have a jacket wrapped around my waist- My hair is loose- I have a scarf around my neck- I am holding a camera (SLR’s, they are called right ?)- Local kids are waving at me and giving me toothless grins- women are shy but hospitable- the wise old man of the clan invites me for an early supper with them, which I happily accept- I drink tea with them and I have a notepad where I take down every little detail that I think is worth savouring... and as I sit there learning their folklore.. Suddenly I hear someone call me from my name.... “Tanu”

Surprised, as to how on earth someone in Istanbul knows my nick name (let alone my name), I turn to locate the owner of the voice.

It’s my mum.

“Get up beta, it’s ten in the morning. What do you keep doing on your laptop all night? And look at your room-so messy.”

Suddenly I realise the grand old man has vanished- toothless kids are nowhere to be seen - there are no shy women serving me food- Just our ever smiling domestic help kunti scurrying through my room with her prized broom- and it takes me about five more seconds to realise that I am 24 yrs old - ten years have passed since I had first had this dream and I have done nothing about it. 

Accomplished nothing- gotten nowhere.

‘Oho mumma, shut the drapes,’ I reply, grumpily, on being dragged out of Istanbul so ruthlessly.

“No, no, nothing doing,’ replies my mum as she forcibly snatches away my quilt, ‘get ready we have to go to Sharma aunty’s house also. Neha is getting married, you remember na!’

‘Remember, huh? I roll my eyes. Of course I remember. That is all you have been talking about for the past 6 months,’ I want to say but keep shut instead. So that I am saved the what-are-you-doing-with-your-life sermon. Of late everything has been about marriage in the Nag household Marriage is all mom talks about and marriage is all she thinks about.

Until recently I was more than sure that my life was headed in the right direction. I had it all mapped out and slowly but steadily I was getting there. But now suddenly everyone I know (be it from school or from college) is either getting married or having babies and everything is changing.
And even though I couldn’t be any less happy for them I can’t help but ask – Is having a different kind of dream (a.k.a to backpack across Europe on your own) not okay? 

Does marriage mean everything? 
Apparently it does. 
At least that is what the society (and by society I mean my mum) will have me believe. Good lord I don’t want to get married as yet- am not saying never- but not yet and while we are at it- let me say this also- I don’t want to have a big fat Indian wedding either. I think it’s a waste and that money can be put to a much better use. Is that so bad?

I have awesome friends- I love my job and I couldn’t be in a more secure place in my life- I think for now I am content celebrating just that. But every time I sign in on facebook and see three hundred and fifty likes on a friend’s wedding album – i feel a knot building in my stomach. Not because I am not happy for her but just because she has finally realised her dream (a dream of being a lovely bride) but I AM NOT EVEN KINDA CLOSE to my toothless kids in Istanbul and that makes me sad.

Then I call up my still single friends and burden them with all this nonsense and luckily for me they steer me out of my depression. After a long discussion - I get back on track- and start working on my dream to travel- to learn- to write and to live. And someday I am sure –just like my friend- I will realise my dream too but till then I just have one request to make:

Dear God, my friends tell me that you have something amazing in store for me and I couldn’t be any less thankful for that but KINDLY OPEN THE STORE SOON.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Rang De Basanti Fort - eh!

(pictures at the end of the post)
8:30 am - Left from Chandigarh. (You know, In the Dharti sunheri- ambar neela- har mosam rangeela- aisa des hai mera- mode)

10:00 am - Reached the fort (5 Kms from Khanna).

10: 10 am - Had a Budweiser.

10: 30 amActually played Rang de Basanti music on my i-pod to get d feel. (Yes, I rate myself the highest in the order of wanna be's. I am actually surprised that I didn't end up going there in an open jeep.)

10: 45 am Clicked some pictures.

10:50 am - Some other people (locals probably) walked in - felt good-  to see that the fort was doing so well.

10:55 am - Witnessed something close to hooliganism or what can only be called the Sleaze-fest 2012 
Official partner- Testosterone Charged losers pvt. ltd.
Media partner - Ogling eyes pvt. ltd. 
(men and their ways to attract attention-pffff).

11:00 am - Collected our stuff and Got the hell out of there.
 (In the famous - tch tch is desh ka kya hoga? - mode.)

Nice place.
Try going with a group.
There is not much aside from the fort- so good company is a must.
Rest I understood what Aamir Khan has been saying all this while.
We Indians do really know how to make the others uncomfortable.
(Atithi -not- devo bhav)
I was appalled to see that Not just the foreigners- we don't even spare our own when it comes to showing our inhospitable road side mannerisms- like eve teasing/littering/spitting etc etc.. plus it was really dirty too (liquor bottes- wafer packs- and spit stains) . 
Place requires a little security and a lot of maintenance.  
All this was actually a spoiler and made me deduct 2 and a half stars straightaway from my rating of this place.

** and 1/2* (In case u didn't get it- that was two and a half stars)

Here are some pics I think you may like.

    Behind me is the field where Aamir Khan and the boys took off their shirts!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Pe gya High Court da chaska - Private job hun kareya janda nai

At first I thought I’d put the title of this post as my facebook status – get a hundred and fifty likes – feel good about myself – and move on!
 But the fact remains that I am getting more and more partial towards my blog by the second, which I should be allowed to given that I think that my blog is my baby (like facebook is Mark Zuckerberg’s baby). So I ditched facebook and decided to write about it here - in my very own little space (even though I know that it’s not going to get me even five likes – people are surprisingly lazy to explore something new- but it’s not about the likes anymore, I guess). J
Very recently I told you about the worst feeling on my list of various feelings; it was the feeling of drowning (and also the feeling of dealing with a Govt. clerk). 
However, this post is not about that. 
It is about that heady-oh-my-god-i-cant-believe-it-took-me-24-years-to-experience-something-like-this-feeling and I figure, if you have been patient enough to hear me bitch about the stupid clerks, you have every right to share my happy-feeling too.

The happiest moment that I experience these days is WHEN I APPEAR IN A COURTROOM.

God, the thrill- don’t think of me as immodest- is orgasmic.

No matter how nervous you are before as soon as you are there at the dice everyone else changes into blurry images. It’s you at the centre stage and even though it may last for only five seconds but that sudden rush of knowing that it’s on you that the entire case rests is mind blowing. 
For that brief moment you are one of the most important persons in the court room - even though all you have to do is to seek a Passover or make a request for adjournment (fellow lawyers will know) – or may be even stand silently as the court goes about doing its business. And once you are done- the slightest look of appreciation in your-honour’s eye is more than enough to make you go- vroom.
Walking down the alleys of the High Court in your prized black robe – even if you are the one with the most simplest of the job in the entire building- makes you feel every bit worth it.

Yep! this is where I work and I couldn't be more proud of the fact.

Five years ago the word “corporate law” was so big in my dictionary that nothing else mattered. All I knew was that as and when I’d be done with law I’d move to some big city and make big bucks; That one day I would join the Honourable High Court of Punjab and Haryana to practise law – the very thought never even crossed my mind. What did I know back then that not only will I practise law but it’d be something that I’d myself choose to do? They say you are at the right kind of job if you are looking forward to the Mondays.
Well, so far so good.
Not that the High Court will stop functioning if I don’t show up but just the fact that I did something meaningfully enjoyable is more than enough to get me straight through the week.
I had heard many people say that Practising law is like ecstasy and once you are hooked to it, you are hooked for life. It is too early to say but as of now I will sign off with the following words – 

I am aware that it’d be long before the “big bucks” come in but till then I am satisfied knowing that every day at the High Court brings with it a new challenge - a new concept- a new Drama.

And here’s to a new beginning- Cheers!
Or should I say Order-Order!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Blogger dwara Jan-hit mein jaari

Okay! I know that you boys think that you can tell right away when a girl is bad news but here’s some fresh news, YOU DON’T ALWAYS KNOW. So, consider my post a word of caution. As and when you spot any of the following signs in a girl that you have just started seeing, RUN FORREST RUN:

ü  If at any point, during the beginning of your general dating-type thing, you hear her saying, “arrey aunty mere hotey huye aap kaam karengi...” (Aunty going in her head “beta pichley 25 saal se kahan thi?)
ü  Or, if you are at a dhaba, enjoying a sumptuous rustic meal and you hear her say the following words, “Chotu tum School jaatey ho na?” (Chotu going in his head, “Oh! no, not again. When will these rich bastards grow up? I have work to do after all.”)
ü  If she can easily pronounce CHANEL, LOUIS VUTTON and GUCCI but can’t say Chyawanprash.
ü If she posts a picture of a big-mansion like pent-house on her FB (making sure it’s taken at the right angle, so that the whole house fits in- in one picture) and the picture reads, “MY SWEET LITTLE HOME.”
ü If she is more than twenty years old and calls masar ki daal –Yellow waali daal.

ü  If her favorite football player is Rooney (I mean Mitt Romney). I have seen it happen. Trust me, you can't make this stuff up.

ü  If she doesn’t know what is 78 in hindi. (It is ath-athar)

ü  If her answer to everything is “aww”. (Boy: I think I have AIDS. Girl: Aww.) That’s the stuff I am talking about.
ü  If she is pouting her lips in a picture that is taken at her convocation.
ü  If at every party that she is at her official party line remains, “God, how can girls wear clothes like that?” Or, “I don’t booze.”  Okay there is nothing wrong with the fact that you don’t booze but everything is wrong if you are self-advertising it.

Okay now remember that this list is not an exhaustive list. There is a lotttttttttttt to add but I don’t want a long post so that it puts you to sleep. So, I stopped right  here but if u have a point to add. DO NOT FEEL SHY.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Dhuddu Nacheya

Dhuddu nacheya Jatta o Khilarri: A beautiful folk song imagining Bholey Shankar in the state of total trance.
Could I ask for a better title?
This year I took two journeys into the very remote corners of Himachal Pradesh. One to Bharmour (A picturesque locale in the remore interiors of Chamba district), almost bordering Pakistan and other one was to Shrikhand Mahadev located in an even more arduous and unreachable interiors of Kullu district. Of course neither of the two journeys could have been possible without the help of my dad, who is very well versed with the treks of Himachal and also happens to be a keen trekker himself.
Anyway I am not at liberty to publish all the pictures as of now, however I did manage to steal a little glimpse exclusively for my blog..
Here’s a bunch of pictures from the Holy abode of lord Shiva.
Hope you like..
Bam Bholey Nath !

This man made the trip every bit worth it. A 70 something guy making us look like a rucksack full of potatoes when it came to hard-core trekking.

A beautiful little temple on our way!

Not just yum, these berries that grow in the wild, are believed to cure a lot of diseases.

Shumko, the lady who served us tea, oh so lovingly!

Bholey Shankar comes with a snake. He had just had a sumptuous meal by the way. That's why bulging in the middle.

The village we stayed at the night before!

My desi chums!

An Irish fellow traveler smoking pot (Confession: He didn't know that I was clicking his picture.)

Lazy Bastard!
That's right, you can fly in too!

See I wasn't kidding about the trek

Shrikhand Mahadev

And finally the place, where no matter who you are or what you do, you just know that it's time to bow.
The Kailash

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Mommie, what is sex?

I must have been in class seven at that time. I still remember I was sitting by the window studying Civics (we used to have it for twenty marks under social science) and it was one of those neglected subjects that nobody paid much heed to.  

I wanted to go out and play but mom was sitting right next to me, trying to make sure that I studied, so one thing was for sure that there was no getting away from civics that day. Anyway bored out of my mind I started reading out loud, ‘All of us have the right to vote irrespective of our colour, caste, religion or sex.’ Colour was fine, caste I understood a little, religion- i thought I had an idea about. 
But Sex- What the fuck was sex? (It was something bad that much I knew but nobody ever spoke about it.)
Trying to be a smartass, very innocently, I popped the question, ‘Mom, what is sex?’

As a near adolescent myself, I was aware that there was something about this word that changed the very body language of adults and kinda made them uncomfortable. Now normally I wouldn’t have had the guts to ask but now that it was in the book itself, I had attained a virtual right to question and not be snubbed in return. Mom couldn’t possibly get mad and if I ever had any shot at solving the mystery of sex. This was it.

But to my utter disappointment, very nicely mom explained to me how men or women can’t be discriminated against when it came to our rights etc etc. Yawn! 
Needless to say, it took me a couple of years more to learn what I had actually asked for that day- the hidden –darker- meaning of sex.

I know a lot has changed in the last one decade or so and sex is not as taboo as it was back in the day. I mean, you remember, don't you? that they censored that song, ‘sexy sexy sexy mujhey log bolein’ to ‘sweety sweety’ or something to that effect. But times have changed. Now a days, there are songs about people sitting nude on shitpots  (Leaving practically nothing to imagination).

There goes a facebook group by the name ‘Why poke? Let’s just have sex instead.’ There is no ho-halla attached to sex anymore.

But I have a point to raise.

I kind of miss that ‘ho-halla’. You know, the age of innocence? When a simple lip lock in Raja Hindustani used to send a terrible chill down our spine and so determined we used to be to escape that awkward moment in front of our parents that we used to rush to the kitchen that very instant, to get anything from water to apple juice. And never did we have the guts to come back in the living room until we were convinced that all the ‘Bad-stuff’ was over.

I miss the time when not every single sentence that came out of our mouth was distorted by our friends into a double meaning sleazy innuendo.
And  most importantly I miss the time when ass was a funny cute animal and pussy was just a cat!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

She is just not that into you!

üIf she has said so herself, coz contrary to the popular belief, when a girl says no she means no, 
ü  If she keeps missing your calls. (Even if God almighty himself descends on mother earth to tell you that lightening struck that poor girl’s phone not once, but over and over again. Do not for a second lull yourself into believing it. The point is no matter how pathetic the circumstance, had she wanted to call you, she would have called you.)

ü  If she always takes another call while talking to you but never, i repeat, never takes your call if the situation was reversed.

ü  If she LoL’s a lot. (Trust me, it's not a good sign)

ü  If her ex boyfriend keeps coming back into the picture like an unascertainable allergy. (Obviously She is still too hung up on him.)

ü  If she keeps falling sick every time you ask her out. (Jaundice/Malaria/AIDS no matter whether communicable or non-communicable, the disease is your cue to take a hike.)

ü  If she’d rather be at her roommate’s sister’s Ladies sangeet than being with you.

ü  If she doesn’t frequent your facebook.

ü  If she doesn’t get your jokes. (Coz trust me a girl will pretend laugh if nothing else to keep a conversation going, provided she is interested otherwise.)