Friday, December 7, 2012

I don’t fancy a big fat Indian wedding – Is that so bad?.

DISCLAIMER: It's a little longer than I usually care to post but bear with me... there was a lot to say!

Ever since I was fourteen I have had a dream- a dream to see the world. 
Nothing fancy (no 5 stars- no business class travel- no plastic smiles). Just a dream to experience the world in it all its rawness. You know, travelling in public transport (or, may be in a hundred years old truck from world war 1)- Cracking up about something with a fellow passenger- Forming friendships with the natives- Being that mysterious traveller from a far off land etc etc...

You know I sometimes imagine myself with a backpack – strutting down the streets of Istanbul in the warm winter sun- I am in a white top and a snug pair of blue jeans that fit like a dream  - I am wearing dark brown sunglasses with big frame.. My boots are rugged-I have a jacket wrapped around my waist- My hair is loose- I have a scarf around my neck- I am holding a camera (SLR’s, they are called right ?)- Local kids are waving at me and giving me toothless grins- women are shy but hospitable- the wise old man of the clan invites me for an early supper with them, which I happily accept- I drink tea with them and I have a notepad where I take down every little detail that I think is worth savouring... and as I sit there learning their folklore.. Suddenly I hear someone call me from my name.... “Tanu”

Surprised, as to how on earth someone in Istanbul knows my nick name (let alone my name), I turn to locate the owner of the voice.

It’s my mum.

“Get up beta, it’s ten in the morning. What do you keep doing on your laptop all night? And look at your room-so messy.”

Suddenly I realise the grand old man has vanished- toothless kids are nowhere to be seen - there are no shy women serving me food- Just our ever smiling domestic help kunti scurrying through my room with her prized broom- and it takes me about five more seconds to realise that I am 24 yrs old - ten years have passed since I had first had this dream and I have done nothing about it. 

Accomplished nothing- gotten nowhere.

‘Oho mumma, shut the drapes,’ I reply, grumpily, on being dragged out of Istanbul so ruthlessly.

“No, no, nothing doing,’ replies my mum as she forcibly snatches away my quilt, ‘get ready we have to go to Sharma aunty’s house also. Neha is getting married, you remember na!’

‘Remember, huh? I roll my eyes. Of course I remember. That is all you have been talking about for the past 6 months,’ I want to say but keep shut instead. So that I am saved the what-are-you-doing-with-your-life sermon. Of late everything has been about marriage in the Nag household Marriage is all mom talks about and marriage is all she thinks about.

Until recently I was more than sure that my life was headed in the right direction. I had it all mapped out and slowly but steadily I was getting there. But now suddenly everyone I know (be it from school or from college) is either getting married or having babies and everything is changing.
And even though I couldn’t be any less happy for them I can’t help but ask – Is having a different kind of dream (a.k.a to backpack across Europe on your own) not okay? 

Does marriage mean everything? 
Apparently it does. 
At least that is what the society (and by society I mean my mum) will have me believe. Good lord I don’t want to get married as yet- am not saying never- but not yet and while we are at it- let me say this also- I don’t want to have a big fat Indian wedding either. I think it’s a waste and that money can be put to a much better use. Is that so bad?

I have awesome friends- I love my job and I couldn’t be in a more secure place in my life- I think for now I am content celebrating just that. But every time I sign in on facebook and see three hundred and fifty likes on a friend’s wedding album – i feel a knot building in my stomach. Not because I am not happy for her but just because she has finally realised her dream (a dream of being a lovely bride) but I AM NOT EVEN KINDA CLOSE to my toothless kids in Istanbul and that makes me sad.

Then I call up my still single friends and burden them with all this nonsense and luckily for me they steer me out of my depression. After a long discussion - I get back on track- and start working on my dream to travel- to learn- to write and to live. And someday I am sure –just like my friend- I will realise my dream too but till then I just have one request to make:

Dear God, my friends tell me that you have something amazing in store for me and I couldn’t be any less thankful for that but KINDLY OPEN THE STORE SOON.


Deepika said...

okkkk dis is like ditto

Talitha said...

How,how I'm you even have the exact same dreams as mine!
except I wanna go to the north-east with the heavy rains and sweet people...
About the wedding-
It's like this line from Revolution 2020(even though Chetan Bhagat isn't exactly quotable quote material!)-
At first it's Study Study Study
And after that,Marry Marry Marry.
But things will work out for you dear...Get married to a rugged camping guide!

Stutee Nag said...

@ Deepika - am not surprised.. all of us have to go thru this at one point or another after all

Stutee Nag said...

That is the problem na.. I want to do all this alone.. just by myself.. the whole thing boils down to that...

and north-east... nice!

Sanjana said...

*grin* Good luck babe! It's not an easy path to take, the one away from marriage and kids.

Btw, don't expect toothless grins from kids and shy ladies in Istanbul... it's a very cosmopolitan city and the people are very trendy and stylish, though the city itself is ancient and beautiful!
Maybe you can experience what you said in Cappadocia (also in Turkey). :)

Talitha said...

Go Nike,or is it Reebok says-Just do it!
Really,when you wanna go,just get up and go..and what's stopping you anyway??
The job??Take a break.
The family??Nah,you can make them understand in a logical lawyerly way that they won't be able to say a word against you!
Can't think of anything else!

Stutee Nag said...

@ sanjana
no, no not saying that I dont want it at alll.. but not just as yet..
n yep, you'd know better about Istanbul,, given how much u've traveled ..
My first choice was Kabul actually (I find Afghanistan extremely beautiful and intriguing- How I wish things were better there)..but somehow could not picture myself clad in boots.. so switched to something less political.

Stutee Nag said...

You don't have to believe me but I actually feel pumped to move my butt.. thanks

parth bhagwati said...

out of my very horrendous schedule...i dnt lament reading ur posts and eulogizing it with a comment.the big fat indian wedding is a lame duck affair acc to me,whr the bride and groom are mysteriously self proclaimed shahrukh and kajol fr the day...whn what really matters in the future is the sanctity of the bond which is impervious of all predicaments.ur desire is amazingly surreal,if social bondage is excused.instead of living a lacklusture life,ur desire to explore,imbibe....the real world with a pair of lens and boots is brilliant.marrige with someone with the same mental wavelength cn be overwhelmingly a beautiful life long affair,till then the world deserves to be known,and MOM deserves to be told-'LET THE RIT ONE IN'........BEAUTIFUL JOB STUTEE

Stutee Nag said...

first of all,, thanks a zillion for taking out time for my blog.. u have absolutely no idea how happy it makes me feel that u do it...AND second of all please o please trade roles wid my mom till d time the ''ryt one'' comes along.... coz believe me u,, she will get me married otherwise.

parth bhagwati said...

u knw stutee....try nt meeting ur mom's interest in ur marriage with indignation and resentment.the causative effects of continuous negation of the idea of marriage will only juxtapose her notion abt the futile nature of the institution dat, she deems u hold.a candid discussion pertaking ur desire to explore this world,whr u r the behemoth of ur own wishes and nt under any scrutiny,which cn happen only if u r single.explain her ...the day u fixate on the rit person,or u feel u r ready to walk along wid som1 hand in hand chosen by them,u shall happily bow to their if u ask me fr my view take ur time,marriage can the magnificent youth will surely pass,so exploit the youthfulness in knowing,gathering,observing...this amazing piece of art-THE WORLD....GIRLS LESS PRIVILEGED ARE INSPIRED BY GIRLS LIKE U....LEAD THE WAY.PARENTS THEY ARE THE BEST ,THEY WILL UNDERSTAND.

Stutee Nag said...

aww thanks Parth,, i will not give up,, don't u worry. I will survive this torture and come out a winner

Uma said...

Hi Stutee... First time on your blog, and I had to comment..

A big fat wedding is all very nice, and realization of ones dreams and all that,but what comes after? Nothing much, really.. When you settle down to your routine life, it will become just as mundane as anything else. And since you are open to it, you can always come back to it at a later stage in your life.. But backpacking across the world, you are not going to be able to do that once you are saddled with a significant other, my dear.. Atleast, the chances of it are much slimmer... Realize your dream, Do what you want to.. Know that marriage (and with it comes oodles of domestic responsibility) can wait and be just as fun at a later stage too, but these things probably can not... If you do not take the time to realize your dream now, you may think back on this all your life, and 'wish you had'...

Stutee Nag said...

well thank u Uma (I love the name Uma btw) for such a meaningful insight,, i will make sure that I stick to it.. n also thanks for visiting.. do keep visiting... !!!

Mohana said...

These are my thoughts exactly! and you know what, you will get there, because you still have that passion somewhere in your heart and one day you will set out.
About the big fat wedding, seriously, why do we spend so much money on strangers when it only about the happiness of two people!