M(Eat) Pray Love (Do whatever the f@*k)

Am I hearing this right?

Is the Government really telling me what or what not to eat? I mean, are we still a functioning democracy? I don’t know exactly but last I checked my fundamental rights were still not extinct.

And all this from a person who has never had an anda her entire life. Yes, that’s right.  Gape all you want but a strict vegetarian is standing right up against this absurd ban. Because this is not about an ‘anda’ or even a ‘murgi’ per se. This is about my FREEDOM OF CHOICE. These three words I wish to use more cautiously than any others for the fear that they have been toyed around with for so long that, unfortunately enough, they seem to have lost their essence.

Today as an ‘uchh koti ka brahmin’  I can easily choose to keep shut and look the other way because the government is favoring my set of beliefs. (I too feel strongly against people eating meat – and by meat I mean any kind of meat – NOT JUST COWS. If you ask me, no animal should be slaughtered. Ever!)

Famous Russian thinker Leo Tolstoy once said and I quote, “A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral.”

AGAIN IMMORAL – NOT ILLEGAL.

Big difference, sitting right there on that tiny little hyphen.

Because what is illegal for me is also illegal for my neighbor or his dhobi. But what I consider to be immoral might as well be a most respected custom in my neighbor’s house, situated right next to mine. 

Welcome to a metropolitan society!

                          Image credit:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/438749188670592822/

So to expect, (or much worse, to support) the government in such crazy endeavors, so as to blow the trumpet against people eating meat is not only out rightly stupid but also giving it unnecessary control over my personal life.

For what if tomorrow comes a government which wants me to only eat meat? If I’d want to open my mouth and rebel then, I better rebel now.

Granted that with our much loved Freedom of choice also come certain responsibilities towards the society but I fail to understand that how exactly is what-I-choose-to-eat interfering with anybody else’s business. What I choose to do within the privacy of my home should in no way be subjected to governmental scrutiny. Because this is exactly how it begins – the taking charge of our lives by the very people we chose to serve us – NOT RULE.

Is anybody else not finding it hard to digest (pun intended) that why suddenly is it upon the Government to decide my menu at home? And why is the government not bothered about the issues that it should actually be taking up? And how easily is the government able to distract us citizens by waving it’s chunchuna of meaningless issues, almost every second day.

And, last but the most unfortunate queries of all, Why do we Indians never know, what exactly to be pissed about?

Gangs of Parliament

Didi is hurt and Biwi is sorry!

But wait till you hear the culprit’s story.

Grave provocation – that’s his ‘defense’.

Mind we rape you? No offense!

And did you know there was more to the plan.

Kill the opposition and their extended clan.

Chill my friends, I used to be a goon.

And now your MP – an added boon.

Dear mantri ji , what’s with the lunacy?

Last I checked - we were still a democracy.

Through brazen speeches and sickening threats

Politicians sleep and the nation frets.

Relax you guys and put it to rest,

Just see the comments in the “right” context.

An MP’s good sense gone for a six,

But it’s nothing that an apology, won’t fix.

Also I hear, its bye bye short skirts

Cause you are asking for it, if he flirts.

So girls, better bid adieu to all your little joys’

For our men will be men and boys will – alas!-be boys.

The Holy Fuck!

O holy brother have mercy on me– for I live in the land of the demented. 

 “She should have taken God’s name and held the hand of one of the men (rapists) and said, ‘I consider you as my brother and said to the other two, ‘Brother I am helpless you are my brother, my religious brother.’”

And while we are at it brother (wink wink)– How about you also sign up for the daily dose of “shit gyan” straight from Shri Asaram himself – it’s for free - Muft! Muft! Muft! You can also like us on facebook by the way!

People say, “Main Anna hun” – Kanoon says, “Main andha hun.”

     Photograph by: Manish Swaroop

Let’s please not pull a Ghajni this time!

Our ride from Cwg to 2G via Adarsh society (that recently crossed the Coalgate) has been a super bumpy one and now we are at our next station of shame – the Rape station!

But I am sure let another week pass (or let another incident happen which will stoop us a lot lower than we already are on the moral-o-meter) and we will forget all about Nirbhaya/ Damini/ or that brave girl who fought till the end for survival.

Our memory is so short-lived that it won’t take us more than a shower to hop on to something new – anything from a political blunder – to a natural calamity – to even an Indo-Pak cricket match is enough to divert India’s attention.  (And I bet the Government is praying on it already!)

Gone will be Nirbhaya – who made us all unite, stand and fight  - and  she will join the other ghosts from our past.

Please-please-please-please do not let this emotion fade away. 

And while the government says it’s doing the best it can – or, maybe it’s not– I don’t know and quite frankly I have reached the point where I don’t even care for its shallow make belief reforms and steps. The point is that we really cannot sit with one hand on top of the other.

 I am not asking for a revolution here but just go with me.

On the 29^th day of December, 2012 – let us all take an oath...

·  I will raise my son with such diligence and care that no other girl will ever be dragged down that road again.

·  I don’t know about the whole country but here on onwards I will take responsibility for myself – I will be the change that I want in the society.

·  I will never mock another person (a girl or a boy) – no matter how inviting I may think it seemed.

·  I will not sit back if I witness a girl being subjected to misbehaviour of any kind.

·  I will never be that passerby who leaves a victim to die by the roadside.

·  I will not vote only and only and only on merit------ not because my fufadh ji is a member of a certain party.

·  I will respect all women – not just my own mother.

·  I will actually respect the law and not just say it.

·  I will not pull a Ghajni this time.

·  I will not let Damini die.

Here’s to the “dented and painted” women of India

Because you don’t rear cattle and you don’t have cracked heels,

How can you know real India?  Is what a leader feels.

You join a protest and light a candle,

Slow down babe- it’s too much to handle.

U juggle work-kids n home- and if somehow U yet manage to look pretty,

Mr. Minister declares you not witty.

So what - you get a manicure? French tips may be!

You still go home and take care of your baby.

But since we are used to mothers like Nirupa Roy

How dare you call yourself a mamma? oh boy!

N if (horrors of horror) ur dented – painted self is not yet married

Consider yourself as good as buried.

Go get married and have a kid,

Must you have an opinion? God Forbid!

Lo kar lo gheo nu Phanda: Another Gang Rape

Roughly translated that should mean .....

A dog has got to do – what a dog has got to do.

Another woman faces the wrath of the pervert parade of India. (Read the story)

Let’s put two-two black dots now – may be that will help. 

In law, they say thousand guilty may walk scot free but not one innocent person should be wrongly charged. 

However, I think if we make one exception in case of rape charges and stone the bastards to death in public - not because the charges have been proved- but simply because they have been accused.

 That will make such a strong statement that these pervs will think a hundred times before giving themselves a treat even through porn.

I say – no trial- no delay – faisla on the spot.

Is kettle calling the dot black?

Okay honestly - how many of you are signing in on facebook these days - seeing this black dot on someone's profile - and saying to yourself,

"O teri! I cant believe it - is insaan ne bhi black dot of protest lga rakha  hai BUT isi se to protection chahiye thi.

(In other words - Look who is dotting!)

Urghhhh ...

What are people thinking posting such sorry pictures of a rape victim on their fb accounts? 

Showing support? 
Support - my foot!

For lord's sake it's not sympathetic -
It's simply pathetic.

Bow bow –woof woof!

On a chilly winter night (or, you can say a December night) when sometimes the weather turns so unbearably cold that it seems impossible to survive – at that time all the helpless countryside dogs get together in unison and bark into the night. 

Poor fellows are cold –sorry-hungry-tired-weary-angry and weak but they can’t do much about it – have no other option but to bark. So they bark together in deep melancholy- until the bigwigs of the society get disturbed and send for the Chowkidaar . One blow after the other from the chowkidaar with his unforgiving laathi and the dogs disperse- letting the snooty rich people to continue their prized sleep in peace.

Sounds familiar?

Do you know who are the snooty rich people in this story?

Do you know who is the Chowkidaar?

And if I dare ask, who do you think are the dogs?

Hey I am a man – oooh I HAVE A PENIS – in short – a license to rape.

I do not own a TV. So the only way I get to know about the outer world is through newspapers or a little bit through the internet.  Today I was late for work, so I did not reach out for the paper until half an hour ago.  So, if you ask me I had a nice day- u know posted some pictures- got a hundred likes- Liked two hundred others myself. Felt really good seeing that I am still popular.

 So far so good.

But what I did not know was that right at the time when I was busy posing for my “natural shots”  
(yes, i am talkin about the pictures that look really as though I had no idea that they were getting clicked but the truth remains that I take atleast 100 such pictures before I settle on one and I am not even ashamed to admit it anymore) 
exactly at that time, there was a girl right in middle of our capital city living the worst nightmare of any girl’s life ever. 

And you know why am I not shy to admit my double standards anymore? 

Because after a certain incident you reach that point when you are so full of self loathing for being so full of yourself- for not being able to make a difference and most importantly for simply reclining on your easy chair, for shrugging, for being able to move on so easily and for not really giving a fuck- that no matter how much someone else hates you, you yourself are already a step ahead on the hate-o-meter and their hatred/judgement refuses to matter.

In that one moment you realize that that you are nothing but a fake pretentious nut who is described by her facebook account- that nothing else really matters to you- as long as you get your 100likes/day. 

That nothing- no matter how grotesque- can ever shake you up from your fucking state of oblivion. 

I don’t know if I’d be able to get through to any of you but the only thing that is coming back to me since the time I read today’s newspaper is.......

There I was getting clicked -la-la-la- when a girl my age was getting stripped.