Monday, February 18, 2013

I don’t like her and yet, I want to be like her

Have you ever met someone so confident and comfortable in their skin that it makes you hate the very semblance of traits that God chose to bestow upon you in the name of personality?
If no, I don’t think you should even be here coz I doubt if this blog will ever interest you. (For this post is from a rather ordinary person- who is feeling exceptionally over the top ordinary today.)
If yes, then please do read on and tell me if I am justified to feel this way?

Anahita is one such person who belongs to the above mentioned category and every time she waltzes in a room all poised and smart- brimming with confidence - I can’t help but reel with self loathing. I am not friends with her-in fact, I barely even know her. But every time I look at her I know she has got something that I really-really want. What exactly it is- I am not really sure- she seems to have it all – great looks, lotsa money, numerous friends, great dressing sense, a killer job, twenty thousand pairs of footwear, handbags in all shapes- forms and sizes and sunglasses which I have never seen her repeat. No, No, don’t get me wrong – I don’t adore her- As a matter of fact I try avoid the very situation where I know I may chance upon her and call it paranoia, but I don’t even feel like looking her in the eye because every time I do I get that oh-you-are-so-fucking-ordinary look from her.

And since I don’t know her in person I can’t be too sure but if there was a way to find out- I would really like to know if she does it on purpose (to make me feel small) or that is just how I feel about myself, (which is so-so pathetic). But I don’t think that is the case though because I have seen and been around people who are even more good looking, rich and talented than her but never have I felt such a strong negative vibe from any one of them as I do from her (Well, except for this one VJ chick I knew a couple of years ago and who I don’t wish to name). But again the predicament remains that despite such repulsion its only Anahita who intimidates me.

Whenever I bump into her I get this rather uneasy queasy feeling- a knot sort of a thing in my stomach- I don’t want to be in the same room with her for too long – and even though she is not even looking at me I feel like I am on display.
Of course, in front of her I pretend like I don’t care but inside I couldn’t be more affected.
Again, it’s not that she is all perfect- she has shortcomings too, you know- and how do I know? Because, when I am around her I am on a constant lookout for one- because every time I spot one- it makes me feel better (when I write I become brutally honest- even if that means admitting to my most horrible secrets).
Like for instance...
She seems to be much into her looks.
She is totally oblivious of other people’s feelings.
There is no poise or buoyancy whatsoever every time I catch her off guard.
And most importantly, her condescending aura- well, that is something I hate the most.

But then why is it that despite all this- she affects me the most- so much so that I have blocked her on my fb – so as to avoid seeing her profile- in the people you may know section. (Even though I am sure that in all certainty she won't even be aware of this.)

Does it sound like- I need help? Or, is it normal?


Ajay Kontham said...

I think it is normal.

Sometimes we encounter such people, but then it upto us whether they deserve our time or not. And self-absorbed people are't the people on whom we should be wasting our time about. And as time passes by, we come to know more about them, and then we realize those people weren't worth the time we spent on thinking about them.

Anukool said...

I had a good friend of mine in college..he had something different..everybody looked upto him,he had a perfect balance of amazing skills,confidence and prada shoes..i once threw up in his car(inside of his car is what i mean),in my defense i was drunk..well,since then i could always feel the negative vibe. even though i strongly feel that there was hardly any reason for it,,but since that day i couldn't be in the same room/lab with him..i have been through that phase where it becomes claustrophobic to be in the same room with someone..but,you know what,its not you..its the other jackass demeaning you so much that its obvious to you go girl,,unblock her,send a msg full of bad words(maa,behen di) and then block her again(this way she will never be able to reply back to you,,also remember that there is a min window of 24 hrs between unblocking and blocking someone,so manage your msg timings accordingly)

Stutee Nag said...

@ Ajay - u r cent percent right and I only hope that next time I see her I remember what u just said.

@Anukool- You have me laughing so hard about the 24 hrs thing lol- sometimes i feel as though u r my evil twin hehe and dude i sincerely mean it as a compliment hehehe ,, be good!

Stutee Nag said...

and also throwing up in one's car may be a reason to get mad in the moment but i DONT think that a sane person will hold on to it forever - if he was a genuine friend.

Momina said...

You know what they say about two people alike, they repel.

Anonymous said...

Having it all seem to be having so little if its defined by just shoes and handbags....if that's all she has..then you have nothing to worry about...

jyoti rai said...

hi stutee i am responding to a blog for the first time on ur blog.
last i met u was when i interviwed u in chandigarh. i hope u have been doing well.
why i am writing back is beacuse i have a similar person in mylife..imagine its so bothersome that i am compelled to write this because i understand what u r going thru. the only expcetion in my case is that.. its a guy..but not in a romantic interest sorta way... so sum it up, the entire context of someone getting under ur skin and numbing ur nerves applies here as well. i cant stand the moron for even a second...

and so whatever i gather from ur situation, this girl..anahita knows.

she knows damn well how much u hate her guts.. and which is what gives her more power over u..and hence the point why u dont experience the same feelings around other better, richer and smarter people.
this undercurrent between u two girls, even if u dont know each other is the problem..
hell, girls get to know within a kilometer's range if anyone is eyeing them and the way they are being looked at.. even u wud get to know if u dont get pleasant vibes from someone.. so trust me she knows.

u dont need help.. u just need to breathe in and out and just let it be...she ll still know u hate her guts but it will spoil her game to know that u dont give a damn anymore.. like how she irritates the shit outta u.. it ll start irking her as well that with all her perfectness, how can someone hate her so much ?

u mite not notice any change in her attitude.. but u ll feel so much more confident and urself in case she is anywhere around u.. mind u..u ll still hate her.. but it ll get less bothersome.

tc.. hope this makes a little sense. :)

Stutee Nag said...

@anonymous- please give me a name so that I don't feel like i am talking to a wall.

Stutee Nag said...

@jyoti - Good God, you just hit the nail right where it was needed- so spot on your answer was.. I am already feeling like I have been given a solution to my problem.. Thank u sooooo much--and trust me- i am in a much better state of mind already..u summed it up so nicely... and guess what, I am going to give try exactly what you said from now on,.. and if it works (which I am sure it will) I will have u to thank.. take care- it was nice to hear from u.

Talitha said...

Someone's been doing some redecorating!
Every time I walk into your blog and see something new,its like walking into a familiar room where someone rearranged the furniture.
Look at me. I've stooped to the level of furniture-analogies...I need help.
Oh yes,Anahita.
Been there,doing that.All.The.Time.
But in my case I end up loathing people without any reason to.Envy and Jealously are my constant bedfellows!
And the person I'm eyeing usually turns out to be someone nice and normal and flawed.Because once I find something less-than-glorious about them in my warped brain,I don't hate them so!
In Ms.A's case it would be her snobbishness but still you be nice to her.And keep being the rocking person you are!
And do some stalking,find out stuff because no single person is ever perfect...except maybe Jennifer Lawrence.For now!;)

Jacksparrow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay Shah said...

@stutee.. I just happened to read this post after a long... Reading the post and understanding through the emotion in each of the line.. only 1 question... Has it got something related with inferiority and superiority complex inside the mind... If yes.... it can be termed normal..!!