Friday, March 29, 2013

I am a Loony Bear

So you know I am sitting on facebook and suddenly I see this party album of a friend who I was pretty tight with up until last year. Actually the word ‘friend’ might be a bit of an overstretch- because our ‘friendship’ began and ended in the last year itself. I am only calling him a friend for the lack of a better word – in reality he was more than an acquaintance but less than a friend.
Now we have sort of drifted apart. It didn’t happen overnight – it happened gradually.  
You know from authoritatively asking me to co-host his birthday bash to silently going on to sending me a facebook invite --- these things don’t happen over night. (because over the last one year, I am assuming he grew tired of  endlessly inviting me to a never-ending list of get togethers which I never showed up for.)

And I am not even blaming him (if at all there is anyone responsible for this it’s me and my knack for detachment from anything and everything under the sky.) Instead, I am sort of thankful to him – he made me realise something today. He made me realise who I am?

After I turned eighteen, my life has been going on in a certain set pattern – which takes place every single year. Now that I am 25 and have seen it for 7 years too long, I can say it with a certain amount of confidence that I know whose pattern my life is following.
It is the pattern of a bear’s life.

Yes, my friends, I sincerely mean it when I say that I am a loony bear in the form of a human being.

Every year, for a certain amount of time, I venture out, eat, drink and make merry but then once I am done I simply slip into my own space. A space- where the door opens only from the inside. And more often than not once I am in it- chances are that the door will remain shut until it’s time for me to go out again.

While I am out of my burrow- I take on the world, I experience, I make mistakes, i usually don’t learn from them, I gain some and I lose some, I mingle, i meet with strangers, I form friendships and have real good fun and just when someone gets used to me I slip back into my shell of nothingness- needless to say just like in this case- my new formed friendships die a slow death. Only if I had a nickel for people I once seemed so close to but now don’t see eye to eye (Boys, girls, cousins, uncles and aunts.. the list is endless.)

People say I am too self involved or accuse me of being overwhelmingly solitary and I usually plead guilty without any counterclaim because I know somewhere deep down it’s actually true.

Now I know why? It’s because I am a loony bear and it’s just the way a bear is. However, in my defence, unlike the bear at least I am available virtually if not three dimensionally (yes, I mean my social media presence). But people just don’t appreciate that.

Anyway, just like a bear - I am happiest when left alone. I LOVE SOLITUDE. Unlike others, a bear doesn’t move about in groups, he can take on the world single-handedly. Whatever group of friends/ family or relatives  that I had around me was until I turned 18.. (which can account  for cub-hood in a bear’s dictionary) Since then I have pretty much been on my own... (with occasional mingling of course) which is again a classic sign that I am a bear wandering alone in the woods--- only socialising when he wants to- not when others want. (Look how brazen I have become?)

But tell me if I am wrong – every single one of the points written below is what I feel and isn’t this what a bear might also say?
ü   I am alone but it’s out of choice not compulsion.
ü  I hibernate- BY DEFAULT.
ü   I have never needed a group of 17 to make my presence felt – I am enough alone.
ü  I seem affable but it’s not really so.
ü  I have been given a certain image and I am too lazy to fight it.
ü  I may be unaccompanied but I am not lonely. 
ü  I am not incredibly pretty or anything yet there are those who like me for who I am.
ü  I am amiable yet distant.
ü  I live and let live and it’s not in my nature to pick up unnecessary fights but if edged the wrong way I can show unprecedented ferocity.
ü  I love honey.
ü  I let be.

What animal do you think you are? Let me know please – I am all ears.

Till then,
A bear hug to all!


Talitha said...

Haha...that was something.
Which animal I would be...hmm.
I think I'll be a sloth/squirrel/owl combo...which does not actually sound very appealing but then that's who I am.
And know what? People strive to reach that level of detachedness you're talking's a good thing.

parth bhagwati said...

U knw lady....its almost 1 am...and m pretty exhausted.I alys hv to read or see or listen to somthng,it help me dose off..I hd a few silver linings playbook...listen to symphony of yanni...or recall all d charter and govt of India acts starting den I realized there is this girl who writes beautifully abt things so close to even my heart..why nt run by it once again.?and again m very pleased,very simple but an elegant way to carry yourself....god bless.