Wednesday, January 16, 2013

To the ones I lost and to the ones who lost me


Albert – He was my classmate. I was all of five and his accented hindi and pretty blue eyes were more than enough for me to share my lunch with him and rescue him from the big bullies in the class. But long before I realised a year flew by and Albert flew back to England. 
Status – I lost him.
P.S. I don’t remember his full name but I do sincerely hope that someday he becomes famous and I look him up the wikepedia and they say that his early childhood was spent in India.  That’d be my first cue!

Nancy – My imaginary best friend in class 4. And Surprise! Surprise! She was a British National too. She was very pretty, popular and spoke with an accent. But soon before I knew my colonial hangover subsided and she had to leave (as imaginary friends can be that way sometimes.) 
Status – I lost her
.
Mrs Gauri– My 5th grade English teacher- now I was never the brightest of the bulbs in my class- neither did I fit in too well- it was a new school for me. And I am sure you know how dreadful new schools can be? But she was the first teacher who made me realise what it was like to be liked by a teacher. Unlike other classes – for example Maths (which I dreaded more than a chipkali) – I always looked forward to her class. She left such an impact on me – that till date even though I don’t remember much else from 5th grade. I do remember her – and I miss her. Her husband served in the Indian Army and a year later she left too.
Status- I lost her.

Bijli – My actual best friend –I call her bijli because when we were together we were like a thunderstrike – only she was the light and I was the sound (always late and not that welcome) – she bedazzled everyone and I went by unnoticed. In short she was the pretty one and I was the one who people made friends with to get to the pretty girl. Well, that never really affected our friendship as such for I had made peace with it subconsciously even before I was mature enough to even realise it for myself. The first setback to our friendship was when a teeny tiny sliver of attention paved its way past the phenomenon called bijli- and came to me. Things were never the same again - only because I had managed to steal her thunder.
Status- she lost me.

Abc -Another best friend - A pretty Bong babe who hailed from Kolkata -she was dusky and had mysterious eyes - She must have been a year or two older than me. I met her on a swing set in the local doctor’s compound.I was there because mom had to collect some medicines for my nani and she was there because somebody in her family was suffering from depression.
And I remember this part distinctly because I didn’t know what depression was and she had to explain it to me over and over again and it still hadn’t made much sense to me. Anyway what did we kids know about depression? And we ended up being friends – or so I believed- what I didn’t know back then was that besides giving me the verbal definition of depression abc was going to give me my the first practical on it too. And a decade and more down the line I made the mistake of introducing her to a guy I really really liked and rest they say is history (you are welcome to read between the lines by the way).
Status – she lost me.

MTL (My true love)- Corny right? Relax and be thankful I am not calling him my soulmate ;-) I have not been incredibly lucky love wise either. But this one person changed my whole world- nothing else mattered to me- as long as I knew that he was by my side- like everyone else we too had grand plans for future and stuff- I read his horoscope before mine but what did I know that God was still holding his magnifying glass and I was still his favourite ant. Despite the true love and all – it ended.

Sometimes I shouted, sometimes I cried,
onetime he cheated, onetime I lied,
We both once made tall claims
But in the end - our love died.

Status- we lost each other.

I did not mean to bitch – I did not mean to hurt anyone – I just meant to let it out as I have never once spoken about it before.
(for despite whatever happened- these were the most powerful impacts in my life and I don’t think I’d ever forget any one of these people come what may- I know I highlighted the bad stuff first in some cases – but THAT STILL DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN ME SOME OF THE BEST MEMORIES OF MY LIFE- and if not for them my life could have been pretty- very – dull. I loved them truly and I know at times they did too – it just did not last L but things happen and we move on.. So it was not my intention to take any one of them on a guilt-trip. These are all wonderful people and I know that sometimes they miss me too!)

SO...





19 comments:

parth bhagwati said...

Wow stutee.....jst wow...the best recollection of the reminiscences of past I hv known.fr once it made me emotional too.tnx fr taking me back in time...a time which nw seems like antiquity.CHEERS.

Anukool said...

"awww" is only i can say..it got the old memories of my school times friends back. there was this guy SUD,my bff,we always stole each others notebooks before exams so that the other doesn't study well,yet we were best buddies because we dragged each other into bad times,and then later cleared each other's mess. i once tried to tell him that his twin sister is not in company of good men. well to say the least,sudeep lost me and his twin lost her virginity.
And then there was tushar,we stopped talking when he came to know that i am too sexual,by his sister. Needless to say,i lost him and this time it was me losing the virginity.
And then there was tanmay. He was like my brother-buddy. Somehow we both lost each other,to the time.
we hardly talk but whenever we do,its crazy shit people cant bear.(I cannot associate any virginity incident with this)
But let me tell you,I associate a lot with your blog. keep it UP. Its refreshing and good.

Karun Jamwal said...

iam travelling and iam refreshed. .. good one.

Karun Jamwal said...

took me back in memories. Guess what my list is even longer yar.... mixed feelingssssss.... good work. keep it up..

Karun Jamwal said...

took me back in memories. Guess what my list is even longer yar.... mixed feelingssssss.... good work. keep it up..

Stutee Nag said...

@parth - I am glad it struck that chord with u,, as always thanks a lot.

Stutee Nag said...

@anukool - i have known you what four years now - AND let me tell you- you are one of my most favorite people on the networking front.. be like this always - and lol u make me laugh but i do hope u get back with ur frnds.. its difficult to find good frnds after all

Stutee Nag said...

@Karun - I am glad I could be of help - travelling can be monotonous at times but you are right about the "mixed feelings" part about the school. I share such a love-hate relationship with that place.
Thanks for the feedback and do keep visiting!
Wishing you safe travel! or shud I say bon-voyage!

Setu Sharma said...

I lov it,kep up d gud work stu

Setu Sharma said...

Its gud to read another piece of ur marvelous writing,i hv ben reading ur blog frm long,i dont thnk i missed ne,n about dis one i cn relate to many frds( bithes ) who ditched me n some other too whom i hv ditched bt irony is we stil r frds,niace work stuti,kep it up

Stutee Nag said...

@setu - u r ryt setu - with every friend we had such grand plans for future and then one thing or the other screwed up ..some wronged us and some were wronged by us :-(
But life moves on ya.. and thanks for such lovely feedback - do keep visiting!

Talitha said...

That was one good set of recollections...but why is it that both your girlfriends(as in friend who is a girl...you never can be too careful these days!) happened to be jealous schemers??!

Stutee Nag said...

@talitha - no, no, you got it all wrong hun - I am not saying they were jealous of me, as a matter of fact I didn't have much for anyone to be jealous of me. i still don't.. but my point was that one of them couldn't stand the fact that her once dorky friend could manage some attention too - you know she needed the attention all the time- so one time that she didn't get it - everything changed. our equation changed - and just like i always celebrated the fact that my friend was the toast of the town - when it came to her forget celebrating she ended up taking me on a guilt trip instead- of course I realised all this long after it happened but ever since we are not in touch and to tell you the truth I feel I am better off without her.... some one who could not stand her friend being in the limelight even for a second..

and well, the second one - I don't really wish to comment on her - but I can tell you this much that even she wasn't jealous of me... God i wrote another post there lol

Gourab said...

you certainly have a flair for the pen - intoxicating stuff, took me back to my "good old days": now I need a beer :)

cheers!

Gourab said...

you certainly have a flair for the pen - intoxicating stuff, took me back to my "good old days": now I need a beer :)

cheers!

Stutee Nag said...

@gourab - thanks man - but isnt it a lil too chilly for beer... try old monk,, u'll love it.

Gourab said...

I see my butter fingers posted that comment twice, sorry for spoiling your blog decor :)

Down south, here in Bangalore, winter my favourite season has decided to stay this time around so beer it is..
Old monk is awesome shit, more so if there is tandoori chicken to go with it!!

Lanky tanks said...

wow! I loved the post, takes courage to put these things out in the open. Great writing too :)

Stutee Nag said...

@lanky - thanks a lot ya - n u r right it did take a lot to write this one.. keep visiting!